Alter Ego- How and why I created me?

How:-

It was easy for me to deceive

A message he failed to conceive

A call that was too hard for him to receive

To him I used to peeve

I was too boring for him, so I develop interest in Steve.

Why:-

He had time for everyone

So I thought I should become the “One”

I did everything yet it was undone

In the world of dreams…..

I felt like the only item unsold at the auction

So to have him won, I had me shun

His love, attention, his touch….everything…

All could get is none

I wish I could tell him……..look  Andrew

They are crazy after me…there is a long queue…

The words would break his heart..I said little, rest I had to chew (half said)

You gave me your lifetime...Bugger! The moments….they were just a few…

No matter how much you love me…but I still hate you….

The Poet: Crime and Confession-I

I was called the “Darling of Media”

Autographed, photographed..used to send fans in hysteria….

Printed, clicked but in a few seconds it all flipped.

Climbed ladder’o’success so high…seen above the God but then I just slipped…

Time has stopped…it laughs and tease…

I had the antidote but could not get rid of this disease

Oh..it was so lustrous…that it locked my mind and I lost the keys..

Pen is dead....ink is freeze(d)...I want to say so much...so fast I start to wheeze...

But then I have been asked to write…I know it’s time. It’s time to write

Poverty used to burn my soul.

I enjoyed the feast of dreams in an empty bowl..

Time made me cry, I felt so cursed…

not water but tears used to suffice the thirst..

I came from an ordinary family and fell in love with my sweet girl Emily.

We used to study together in Coed, she used to call me Mr. Poet

She was my only ray of hope who rescued me from darkness that used to grope

She asked me to live the desire before it gets expire and not to let the bad fortune conspire

And without being practical, I waited for the miracle..

It finally happened, got my chance..it finally ended my penance.

To the ground I tied a few balloons, now I cut the thread n have them marooned...and

Suddenly too much became nothing as I aspired for everything

Aspirations grew too bold, I failed to refrain couldn’t hold

Started digging the mud too deep in anticipation of striking the gold

Soon I realized that early success comes with pitfall(s)

Fish in this glitzy lake of razzmatazz is about get trawl(ed)

I tried, explained her ……………..but

The Curious.

I remember the same young boy

Who lost his childhood playing with his toy

Running around it all the while…even tired he still smiled

Picked it up and tore it down; suddenly the smile changed into a  frown

I wonder what killed his joy…just a toy ..why did he destroy?

He used to admire the snow-capped mountain

Urge of climbing it…was oozing like water from a fountain

It took him a week to reach the peak

Said he would cry…never wanted to reach here…but wished to touch the sky

He jumped!!…into the ground he bumped…had his head swollen like a hump

He kept looking it….agonised…could feel the thump

With time he grew old; only to become inquisitive and bold

Hunger to know more….came like a heavy downpour

It filled him so much…he could not see the  seashore

Swam to the bottom…would go a few more fathom

Went deep…..he drowned….he was really stubborn

Failed to keep the promise …he did not return

His mother once asked me…why he acted dubious?

I remember I told her ….he was just more than the curious.

The last day of my Life.

Sitting at the bottom of a gorge

Its pitch dark and I just have a partially lit torch

I feel like I am in a midst of chaos

I wish it could be a dream but I was rightly diagnosed

My Doc declared that tomorrow I would die

He said it’s too late…I wish I could give it a try

Next Morning….

Today was the last day of my life

I couldn’t hide…would say it all…after all she is my wife

Cynthia look, I am sorry I cheated…ahhh…it was an extra marital affair

I loved you always, still do…I should’nt’ve done that...it’s not fair

Decades of trust is broken like a vase which I can’t repair

I looked in her beautiful eyes…all I could read was despair

Then, I went onto see the old man…My Father

He never liked to give an ear…today he might rather

It was the time to open the book…to tell him his son was a big crook

I revealed the secret….he slapped and screamed…You corrupt!

I calm him down….showed the charity I did…but now I am bankrupt!

In the afternoon I visited the Church

I thought confessions would lead me to the perch

In god I may find solace, wisdom…it would end my search

 The pastor sprinkled the holy water…it washed away the entire smirch

 Evening…Suddenly…

The doctor stormed in screaming…it was wrongly reported-2!!

To hell… I wish I could have that white apron monkey deported

Doc, is this joke? I am all broke…

What would I say to my wife? She would hack me with her Jacknife

My Father would declare war on me…I can’t avert the strife……

I am done, I am gone…I am dead...tomorrow would be full of sorrow

Flood of truth has wiped all the hopes…it’s not but

I wish today would be the last day of my life…….

The Round About-1.

In my days... I was really brave

Now almost 80 and life has made me a slave

Would like to see my little princess just once before I go into the grave

Thought would never do it again but the rebels are at a gain

Sarah is not with me…this fact is aggravating my pain

I am a Russian who was born in Krakow

Never thought would deal in Topolov and Kalashnikov

For me it was business as usual…just arms dealing

But the wounds…even time said they are deep too for healing

I was amongst red in the war torn USSR

Though we won but forgot Stalin was our new Czar

We won everything…had all the land still there was no harmony

Swear by the creed…Money was my only need

I deceived the values from my family I received

But I was a Father too and to this fact; I had to pay the heed

So I decided to sell arms…it was the need that sowed the seed

I was amongst the richest within a few years

Earned so much…that richness and lavishness wiped all the tears

Seemed I had world at my feet…I conquered all the fears

Kremlin became my second home…Generals, Politicians, Diplomats were all so dears

I was so sure that one day I would raise a toast and make God to say cheers!  

But…………….

The Unspoken.

It took me almost a decade

To resurrect that dead feeling from my heart’s cascade

Allowed love to invade…I was ready to break the barricade

Nothing could have it dismayed cause

I dreamt a dream for 10 years….and all the while in it… only you stayed.

Now you are here..in front of me…can’t let you go..Can’t lose

In truest sense I know ha ha h aa...i am chasing a wild goose

In the courtroom of love…Judge Cupid remains stupid...I am the only accuse

In love…I am ought to speak out heart…can’t give a lame excuse

In the tempest of ambiguity…it’s certainly not a smooth cruise

Will I ever reach the shore of happiness?? My mind cajoles. Heart argues

On second thought and further this could be delayed

The Morse code of heart wants this message to be conveyed

And, if she would not listen... I would hold her tight...say it inveighed

I feel the adrenalin rush of emotions…can’t stop this crusade

Or Shall I just leave this on fate and let it persuade

To say it or not…I’ve been in a tug of war

You stand right next to me…I still find you more than far

I get startled when you ask me” How are you”?

Dare I say that Idiot! I really love you…

Could I say anything apart Fine!...you tell

The beast of passion wants to break free from the cell

I know a “No” from you will direct to the highway to hell

So….

I won’t go overboard and lose a friend…

As it would bring the strange voyage of togetherness to an end

Sailing in the seas in the boat of friendship

Being together but paddling my own Canoe is no less than a hardship…

In this whole Universe there are only two things I like

You, who is beautiful and the sun which shines really bright

But at the end of this illuminating tunnel… I do not see light.

No matter how much the feelings scream…I would prefer to keep quiet.

Clouds- Love, Phobia and despair.

Looking at the sky…lying on my terrace

My mind alarms me about this strange menace

It relaxes when I convince it saying it’s a canvas

On this canvas I see marred images…..they put in doubt

A smoke up there…they like, hates you…for me you are just a cloud.

Love…

She was standing droopy in her balcony…

A glance at you...brought smile on the face…..glitter in eyes…

She exulted… was about to Jump….You ended her melancholy…

Shouted at top of her voice…happiness oozed out ….”Rain”…she yelled….quite brusquely…

To her you brought rain…God uncorked the bottle… on her he poured ...the holy champagne…

She danced for hours…laughing….smiling…squawking…like a gypsy…I had to say Jane…Are you insane??

She replied, I am in love with you…Anupam….I am an old wine, would you be my Magnum??

Phobia…

To her you brought rain…God uncorked the bottle…but this time he poured pain…

She mended her wall lately….had a little hut by the river bank

You deceived her, back stabbed…..played a prank…

Though a hut…it was a palace to her…queen cried…begged…you ignored…swiped…had it sank

 I remember her prayer…Amen!  She said, but to you she did not thank…..

I hate the cloud and rain…Anupam…I nodded yes…I was aware of her problem….

Despair…

To her, you were supposed to bring rain…God uncorked the bottle… but he refrained

Waiting all the while…at last she saw the monsoon…She went crazy….it was too soon…

Gone May…came June…I could not recall a day when she did not look at the sky…waiting from morning till late afternoon.

You deceived her…hiding behind your own curtain…only to shower misfortune…

You were there all around but there was no rain…

 Left your imprint of a bloody DRY stain…

Finally it rained and she smiled ….

To her this time you brought freedom…. She liked you, hated you… but for me you are just a cloud…says Anupam.