The last day of my Life.

Sitting at the bottom of a gorge

Its pitch dark and I just have a partially lit torch

I feel like I am in a midst of chaos

I wish it could be a dream but I was rightly diagnosed

My Doc declared that tomorrow I would die

He said it’s too late…I wish I could give it a try

Next Morning….

Today was the last day of my life

I couldn’t hide…would say it all…after all she is my wife

Cynthia look, I am sorry I cheated…ahhh…it was an extra marital affair

I loved you always, still do…I should’nt’ve done that...it’s not fair

Decades of trust is broken like a vase which I can’t repair

I looked in her beautiful eyes…all I could read was despair

Then, I went onto see the old man…My Father

He never liked to give an ear…today he might rather

It was the time to open the book…to tell him his son was a big crook

I revealed the secret….he slapped and screamed…You corrupt!

I calm him down….showed the charity I did…but now I am bankrupt!

In the afternoon I visited the Church

I thought confessions would lead me to the perch

In god I may find solace, wisdom…it would end my search

 The pastor sprinkled the holy water…it washed away the entire smirch

 Evening…Suddenly…

The doctor stormed in screaming…it was wrongly reported-2!!

To hell… I wish I could have that white apron monkey deported

Doc, is this joke? I am all broke…

What would I say to my wife? She would hack me with her Jacknife

My Father would declare war on me…I can’t avert the strife……

I am done, I am gone…I am dead...tomorrow would be full of sorrow

Flood of truth has wiped all the hopes…it’s not but

I wish today would be the last day of my life…….

The Round About-1.

In my days... I was really brave

Now almost 80 and life has made me a slave

Would like to see my little princess just once before I go into the grave

Thought would never do it again but the rebels are at a gain

Sarah is not with me…this fact is aggravating my pain

I am a Russian who was born in Krakow

Never thought would deal in Topolov and Kalashnikov

For me it was business as usual…just arms dealing

But the wounds…even time said they are deep too for healing

I was amongst red in the war torn USSR

Though we won but forgot Stalin was our new Czar

We won everything…had all the land still there was no harmony

Swear by the creed…Money was my only need

I deceived the values from my family I received

But I was a Father too and to this fact; I had to pay the heed

So I decided to sell arms…it was the need that sowed the seed

I was amongst the richest within a few years

Earned so much…that richness and lavishness wiped all the tears

Seemed I had world at my feet…I conquered all the fears

Kremlin became my second home…Generals, Politicians, Diplomats were all so dears

I was so sure that one day I would raise a toast and make God to say cheers!  

But…………….

The Unspoken.

It took me almost a decade

To resurrect that dead feeling from my heart’s cascade

Allowed love to invade…I was ready to break the barricade

Nothing could have it dismayed cause

I dreamt a dream for 10 years….and all the while in it… only you stayed.

Now you are here..in front of me…can’t let you go..Can’t lose

In truest sense I know ha ha h aa...i am chasing a wild goose

In the courtroom of love…Judge Cupid remains stupid...I am the only accuse

In love…I am ought to speak out heart…can’t give a lame excuse

In the tempest of ambiguity…it’s certainly not a smooth cruise

Will I ever reach the shore of happiness?? My mind cajoles. Heart argues

On second thought and further this could be delayed

The Morse code of heart wants this message to be conveyed

And, if she would not listen... I would hold her tight...say it inveighed

I feel the adrenalin rush of emotions…can’t stop this crusade

Or Shall I just leave this on fate and let it persuade

To say it or not…I’ve been in a tug of war

You stand right next to me…I still find you more than far

I get startled when you ask me” How are you”?

Dare I say that Idiot! I really love you…

Could I say anything apart Fine!...you tell

The beast of passion wants to break free from the cell

I know a “No” from you will direct to the highway to hell

So….

I won’t go overboard and lose a friend…

As it would bring the strange voyage of togetherness to an end

Sailing in the seas in the boat of friendship

Being together but paddling my own Canoe is no less than a hardship…

In this whole Universe there are only two things I like

You, who is beautiful and the sun which shines really bright

But at the end of this illuminating tunnel… I do not see light.

No matter how much the feelings scream…I would prefer to keep quiet.

Clouds- Love, Phobia and despair.

Looking at the sky…lying on my terrace

My mind alarms me about this strange menace

It relaxes when I convince it saying it’s a canvas

On this canvas I see marred images…..they put in doubt

A smoke up there…they like, hates you…for me you are just a cloud.

Love…

She was standing droopy in her balcony…

A glance at you...brought smile on the face…..glitter in eyes…

She exulted… was about to Jump….You ended her melancholy…

Shouted at top of her voice…happiness oozed out ….”Rain”…she yelled….quite brusquely…

To her you brought rain…God uncorked the bottle… on her he poured ...the holy champagne…

She danced for hours…laughing….smiling…squawking…like a gypsy…I had to say Jane…Are you insane??

She replied, I am in love with you…Anupam….I am an old wine, would you be my Magnum??

Phobia…

To her you brought rain…God uncorked the bottle…but this time he poured pain…

She mended her wall lately….had a little hut by the river bank

You deceived her, back stabbed…..played a prank…

Though a hut…it was a palace to her…queen cried…begged…you ignored…swiped…had it sank

 I remember her prayer…Amen!  She said, but to you she did not thank…..

I hate the cloud and rain…Anupam…I nodded yes…I was aware of her problem….

Despair…

To her, you were supposed to bring rain…God uncorked the bottle… but he refrained

Waiting all the while…at last she saw the monsoon…She went crazy….it was too soon…

Gone May…came June…I could not recall a day when she did not look at the sky…waiting from morning till late afternoon.

You deceived her…hiding behind your own curtain…only to shower misfortune…

You were there all around but there was no rain…

 Left your imprint of a bloody DRY stain…

Finally it rained and she smiled ….

To her this time you brought freedom…. She liked you, hated you… but for me you are just a cloud…says Anupam.

Fall of the Rise.

A life without power..no prospect of power

Demands demise...

you fail to give a thought and doubt your wise

time stares at your face and sprinkle surprise

wind blows against you and whisper.... it is the Fall of the Rise.

When in power you can tame the time

People like it or not but they sing in your rhyme

Manipulate rules...law is there to justify your crime

were no one but now you are seen sublime...never second always prime.

Only success you want and rest get ignored

Everyone is inferior...who cares about the furore??

Destiny seems a student and you like to be a mentor

You ride on their haplessness...leaving them deplored

But as they say....

Time is the master of the game

Once your best friend now it has taken away that fame

No matter how much you proclaim...you can never get rid of this shame

How disgraceful...you are alive but no one even remember your name

The mire of fall pulls you inside....you cry........... you are lame.

I know its difficult to accept....you can't compromise

Your soul knocks the door like an unwanted pries

The wind was always blowing against you..you shouldn't be surprised

It came and whispered.......... it is the Fall of the Rise.

The White Crow.

On this sunny Sunday afternoon

I am sitting, pondering all alone in my room

It has taken over our lives deep and slow

We really can’t live without it…can we? We love the white crow.

I cannot recall a day when my thought did not stray

I always wanted to be black and white but it turned out be grey

Wish I could go back in time…make corrections…have it replay

But it would not let me…it’s the predator and I am a bird of prey

It’s really difficult to have a clean soul

Try my dear but how would you achieve your goal?

Even house arrest…it watches through the keyhole

No matter how hard you try…its presence is unacceptable but can you control?

Telling a lie and not admitting is so true…one can’t swallow

You walk straight never deviate….its your need you still follow

It’s a necessary evil…it’s in you…you don’t need to borrow

No matter how much you deny…you need it…you surrender…before it you bow.

It’s a bitter truth… We really can’t live without it…can we? Blame God but we really love the white crow.

The Great Depression.

Drove fast my Buick…was late so, had to be really quick

It was the black Tuesday, luck tripped…and I was given a pink slip

My heart stopped beating… I was filled with aggression

Before I could act…someone told ….world is under Pandemic of the Great Depression.

Andrew’s photo next to the window…reminds me he is dead and I am a war widow

With nothing left now, just 2 children…I decided to move to my homeland Britain.

Life is miserable…it’s such a pain…with no money; we cannot even board a plane.

This life is very constrained…my agony peaks when I think I need to start all over again.

Everyday I give an interview (but Fails)…..only to seek chances that are very few

I really want to move forward….but the wretched time is acting like a statue

They say everything will be alright…they day dream and their thought is so untrue

My loneliness kills me every second….there is no one to abuse…with whom should I argue... Do you have a clue?

I think of getting married again…I am still pretty, I can get a nice man but no one could be Andrew.

Bad fortune would chase me to the grave

Devil of depression rules the world and I feel like a slave

But I will fight back and I won’t hide in any cave

My Children are proud of their mother…they say she is really brave

What future holds for me? This thought is costing me dear

I am thoughtless…pillows get wet every night…my misery accompany them with lot of tears

My will keeps me afloat...it says….you won’t sink there should be no fear

I would do everything in my ability…I must win…my thought is crystal clear.

I swear to my children…I will chase away this bad Omen.

I cannot accept defeat…I am egoistic and a strong woman.

Would work hard all day…all night…in every season.

Would even plough rock…doesn’t matter if it’s barren

I wish to see my roses (Children) blossom…God will you help?

I want turn this desert into a Garden.